From what you state here you seem to always come up short on the social or personal level. That's enough in itself. We can address that. But what's the meaning of your last sentence that you start but then don't finish ? Are you that upset that you can't say it in one sentence what happened? Or are you purposely leaving us in suspense ? Let's start with your first sentences. Do you realize that life sucks , for the most part? That you can go through periods where nobody may care about you ? That all the good things in life are optional ?
I've said this in another post you wrote, if you don't start learning how to love yourself and take care of yourself you will be trampled. People will use and abuse you for as long as you let them.
I'm telling you this because I've learned the hard way through experience.
There are decent people out there. You just have to be fortunate enough to have met them and have them a part of your life. But when push comes to shove, when the ***** hits the fan , you better be ready.