In the time we were together, his wife cheated on him, and it hadn't been the first time she did it. I guess that sort of made him and I feel justified in a way.

It's just all around a bad situation and poor choices on everyone's part.

I love him though. He is not a bad person. He has flaws and learning and growing to do, but he is not a bad person.

His marital situation aside, my poor choices aside, I just ended a really deep important relationship and I need to figure out how *I* am going to deal with the pain and hurt.

this history has made it very hard to be intimate with anyone. To even have those feelings/desires is very rare for me, my judgement was clouded because I was just so freaking suprised/excited to feel that way and have it returned to me.

He made me feel safe and loved and I've never had that before. I never though myself worthy or capable of that before him. I really can't say for sure that I believe I will ever have that again.

My few close friends are not accessable right now for support for various reasons, and my mom just doesn't get it, she doesn't care much about what I go through in general, and this is no different. I don't have anyone IRL to lean on right now.

My therapist is new. Three sessions so far I think. I met her briefly last year when she was a co-leader of a DBT Skills group I was in, but all in all, I don't know her very well. I'm opening up more than I normally would this soon because of how desperate and unstable I've been recently.

Us ending it was the right thing to do for so many reasons. I'm not arguing that. The fact remains though taht I am left alone with a broken heart and no idea how to move on at all.