Hello. I am new here. Female in my late 40's. I have been tortured by social anxiety/Avpd for, what seems like, my entire life. It has impacted/destroyed every corner of my life to one degree or another. Always being on guard against being judged or criticised, in most cases unnecessarily, is exhausting. I wasn't able to complete university, haven't been able to hold down a job long-term, haven't had a long-term, fulfilling relationship with the opposite sex. It is like I can only let people in up to a certain point. Then I withdraw or reject the person/situation before I can be rejected. Like a typical Avpd, I am not likely to try new things. Therefore, I feel like a shell with no interests or hobbies. I can honestly say that I have never felt joy, happiness, or excitement for anything in life. Every experience is clouded by apprehension, anxiety, and negative thoughts. Except for sometimes when I have been drinking. Only then do the thoughts subside and I feel like I can let the real me out. A magnified version of me maybe, but it is liberating at the time. Of course, the backlash is always horrible. It is only my fear of being judged that has kept me from being a heavy drinker. Anyways, this is just a quick introduction. Hope to be able to chat with some of you in the chatroom soon. By the way, does a reply to a post count as a post?