Hey everyone.

I feel pretty low. Nursing School started roughly one month ago, and to be honest I was having a rough time that it sent me back into my depression. Because of this, I had to withdraw from Nursing school and now pursue an alternate career path. I just got so depressed I gave up on myself, and stopped studying. Nursing is a fascinating, rewarding, and great field --- I respect the profession itself; however, I couldn't stand some parts of the field I absolutely loathed and could not see myself doing (cleaning people, etc.) Thank god we have people who do this stuff, because I wouldn't be able to do it and this is one of the prime reasons why I left the field (in addition to my depression).

Anyway, because I am no longer a Nursing student, I feel lost. I am trying to go into another allied health field, that is also itself competitive to gain admission into. The issue is what if I don't get in? I'm afraid I am wasting more time. I am 20-years old (junior in College), and see so many freshman who could handle the stress and demands of the academics and I couldn't, and it made me feel inferior to them. I wish I was them. I wish I was a four-year College student, now because I dropped out of the program I'll probably be a six-year student. The job prospects aren't so hot for this Medical Imaging I'm going into compared to Nursing.

People in my family are Nurses. I know my life will financially be more difficult then them. I just haven't been happy for a while.

I see my brother, who is graduating RN school this year. He could work and get by in the program. For me, I have to study 24/7 and be miserable. I couldn't have a job while in school. I wish I could. He has friends. I don't have any friends. No best friends. No nothing. Everyone else looks like they have it together and I don't. I just wish I met someone like me. I just wish life was easier and I could handle it, but I can't.

I wish I could wake up in the morning, and say "Today is a great day. I have everything together." Instead, I need to rely on 10 mg of Lexapro to do that.

I'm sorry guys. I truly am.