I wince everytime T says "physical abuse". Normally we use words like "hurt you", "let you down". In the beginning when she first said abuse, it felt like everything became weird and I spent many many hours over many months wondering if it was really abuse in my journal.

Going wonky sounds like the avoidance is there for a reason... I hope T said it in the spirit of wanting you to realize you've been violated and what happened and was done to you is wrong.