I'm a widow of 14 months and I don't know how to be not-married. I'm torn between wanting a relationship and definitely NOT wanting one, I lean more toward the latter but I also have needs, so I can't rule it out entirely.

The problem is, I am pushing 60, overweight, and bipolar. Not exactly a great candidate for the dating scene. I don't even know HOW to date, even if the opportunity should present itself; I haven't dated in over 37 years! Then again, I don't really go anywhere to meet men my age or younger (I don't want another older mate, I don't think I could go through burying another one), except for church, and most of them are married.

Besides...my hubby was the greatest, and there is no way I'll ever find another like him. Why eat hamburger when you've had filet mignon?

Still, I can't imagine being without a male companion for the rest of my life. I have a wonderful support system and I live with my son, so I'm never truly alone; but a woman has got needs and I don't want to think I'll have to go without sex forever. There wasn't much of that during the last few years of my marriage because my husband was so sick with pancreatic cancer, so I'm used to, well, taking care of myself, but there's nothing like making love with someone special. I'm not into one-night stands, either.

Well, I've rambled on long enough...didn't know I had that much to talk about. I guess it's because I'm lonely and I miss 'us'. My 37th wedding anniversary is this week and all I can think of is how much I loved those early days of our relationship...anticipating our wedding, being so excited it almost took my breath away, and being so much in love that it was almost physically painful. That's what I want to experience again, but somehow I just don't think it's in the cards.