Sometimes my hands aren't my hand and it feels like I'm watching this all through a screen and seeing life unfold before me. Like I'm ageing but not at the same time, I feel stuck and dead in the confines of numbers and codes never truly existing slowly waiting for the clock to stop but it never really does. Sometimes I feel like it just slip out of reality and just float while my limbs vibrate. I have felt like this since Middle school and maybe even before that cause I remember one time in elementary school how I was telling my friend we were all fake and didn't exist, my mom told me that would get me sent away if I talk like that. Why must I have such a thin grasp on reality that has started since I was young? What hates me enough to curse me like this? Existence is very painful