You'll see him again. I know you're counting the days and hours. Keep counting. He's real. It's hard to remember stuff when you're dissociated. That's what T told me once - something about how me being in my head = I wasn't connecting to her so I would leave at the end of the session and very quickly feel "Was the session real?" I know it was real but couldn't remember things talked about, how I felt. T says emotions make things feel real.

Have you asked T if he finds you annoying or boring? I don't believe you're those things, but then your fear of T disliking you is definitely a fear I've had with my T too.

T likes to say clients can tell when therapists aren't being genuine and hiding their emotions.

I could tell when my previous therapists found me annoying - one of them told me eventually when I asked, and the other kept kicking me out much earlier than my alloted time.

Sometimes I've asked T if she dislikes me, hates me. She told me she couldn't work with someone she dislikes or hates. Once I said I could, so surely she was lying. She pointed out her job as a therapist is really, really, really, different from my job.

Has T said assurances like that?