Strange, sad, slow, stilted session. Wasted so much time silently curled in a ball, squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my teeth. Trying not to cry. Trying not to scream. Not sure why.

Desperately didn't want to leave. I felt like he didn't want me to either. He said... Something like that. Something about wanting more connection, more time, but not being able to. Maybe he didn't mean it, maybe it's just a thing he says.

I wish he had said "don't go, stay with me" and put his arms around me.

I feel like I can't bear it anymore, wanting him so much.

I don't want to do this anymore.

F***.