I was in a very long-term relationship and was engaged, but it ended in a pretty traumatic way, but it would take too long to type. I tried to go back to it, but he hurt me again, so I left, but it is still painful to me....even as time has passed, since he was my best friend for years.

My best girl friend, who I had in my life since childhood passed away from cancer, and that made me feel all alone. I was in one relationship after that, where I was hurt in the end. To make a long story short, I've gone on dates, but did not connect with them. I feel anti-social, possibly emotionally unavailable, and I have my guard up. I have a hard time keeping up with friends, because I lack motivation and feel tired from working a lot, but sometimes I get around to it, yet somehow feel unfulfilled. Most have spouses and families of their own, which I lack.

My self-esteem is worse now, because I thought by now, I would be happily married to my ex-fiance. I never imagined a life where I am alone, having problems living by myself, lacking finances to keep up a place, and feeling inferior. I like the idea of being in a relationship, yet lack interest and feel I'd have difficulties maintaining them. I have a tendency to connect with quirky people, who have a good sense of humor when I want to be in a *long term* lasting relationship, although I with aquaintances and friends, I connect with a lot of people with all different personalities. I guess I've just stayed in a shell ever since taking a lot of losses and losing trust.