Try to go easy on yourself (I know, not easy). Simply being cared about by someone is often enough to override our rational thinking. I think you DO have self respect and dignity, but we've all been in situations where those things get buried by our emotional reactions.

The fact is, he made you feel good when he was around. He disappeared before, and when he came back, he claimed he still felt for you. There's no shame in admitting that feels good, and it doesn't make you weak (it does make him seem pretty dang weak to not be able to communicate anything). It's understandable that a part of you wants to hear from his mouth that he doesn't want to see you again, so you can be sure. And the task now, of course, is to get to a point of being okay without needing that.

Anyhow, bottom line, I think you are in an understandable but unhealthy place. I think you'll be able to move on, and be better for it.