I do believe I know what your problem is, since I had si circumstances. You said one key thing. It is noted in Psychology that by the age of 9, if a child isn't nurtured enough, they lose their identity and begin to act like someone they perceive as cool.

My abuse and neglect was difficult to find as it was disguised as Christianity. The fact is, it is your parents fault. Confronting them with evidence is as the Borg say Futile. Do not attempt this, but seek the validation you need in therapy. Do not seek validation from anyone other than yourself. The only pity you need is from yourself, the only validation you need is from someone you trust....not a boyfriend, he will hurt you worse if you don't love yourself.

How do you do that? First of all, stop letting your parents tell you what to feel. You have to grow up a bit quicker, but it is for a reason. Somewhere down the line the lessons you are learning will be the foundation for raising your child.

It's all part of being a parent, realizing the mistakes your parents made and changing them for your children. Bitterness has no place there, as it will be passed down to your children if you do not let go.

YouTube is fairly new, and not everyone is uploading videos of how to do something. Here's the hard reality, behavior is learned, once it is learned past the age of 25 when the mind slows down, it's nearly impossible to unlearn.

Again, I caution you to not confront your abuser(s). I have and it's brought me nothing but pain. Read my post "Gaslighting, psychological and physical" for a better look at how you have been brainwashed. Yes brainwashed, that's exactly what the TV does to you until you learn that having a few extra pounds and being ugly doesn't mean you won't be beautiful to someone else.