I couldn't do it. Again, I couldn't do it.

It keeps coming down to this one fact. I love my fiance. I always knew, even before we became a couple, that I'm willing to die for him. It wasn't until last year that I realized dying for him would be too easy. It wasn't until last year that I promised I'd live for him. Living for someone is infinitely more difficult. At least in my experience.

I lose sight of this promise. I forget it and begin the process of ending everything. When I'm set up and about to go through with it, I can't stop thinking, "I haven't held him enough" and "He still doesn't know how much I love him." So, I'm alive. In agony. But it's okay because it's for him.