I don't think it literally possible to disintegrate. It in a way you are though, If you feel this way. Do you have any kind of support system to help you through this? A sympathetic friend, a therapist.

I've felt this way a few times. In a way I felt like I died and when I woke up the next morning I was a different person. I may look the same, but the old me was gone.

I had to let go of the expectations of the life I thought I should live, what I believed, what I thought I should have achieved by now, how I thought I "should" behave in relationship with others.

Good luck on your journey