You deserve better then to be put through an emotional wringer every time he decides to vanish from and just drop back in to your life. It's also not fair to you. How trustworthy is this guy? My heart breaks for you. You don't need this pain and anguish. Add selfish and insensitive to the list of his attributes. He is causing you to suffer. You aren't doing anything wrong.

Please work with your therapist on getting some closure and moving on including blocking him from everything so there will be no contact. Give your time and attention to someone worthy of your affection. He's not worthy. Sending big hugs.