Hey good people,

So I am writing cause I am going through a rough patch right now. I've come off my meds except a small dosage of one.

I am finding it increasingly harder to manage my feelings. I have been working really hard to manage my feelings, not let them get the best of me/buy into them or act out of them but it is getting harder. It takes a lot of energy to o this.

This is starting to effect me more at work. I am starting to get concerned about my ability to keep it together. Sometimes I get very tired of the struggle.

I have a diagnosis of BP. I appear to be moving out of depression maybe heading towards mania (unfortunately my "mania" is usually mixed. Not fun for the most part)

And yet I struggle and have struggled with the whole BP diagnosis. Don't want to be. (Yes, I know no one Wants to be) I just double up with, "If I can just get through this, I'll be better" or "F" this ****. I ain't BP and I don't care what you say.

I am getting to the point though of where I am just tired of the struggle. And concerned. I want to surrender and just go back on meds. But maybe, it will get better....

I just have to put this out in the ethers. I don't have a therapist. I can't talk about it with my family. They don't know I've tapered myself off my meds except for a sm. dose of one. So, it's psychcentral.