Hi Kruik. I'm sorry to hear that.

I wasn't clear if the back injury and dead nerves are related to what happened to you..?

Not sure how to respond to your comment that I haven't found a way to break the cycle.

The things that happened when I was a child were nothing to do with me. I didn't want them to happen; in fact, I was rather keen that they didn't happen. It doesn't reveal a character flaw, any more than being hit by a car would. That is, on the whole, how I view my past; a kind of accident that I've worked hard to recover from, but which has left me with weaknesses in certain areas.

I haven't been 'beaten down my whole life'.

If you met me in the real world, I promise you would have no idea I had those weaknesses. That's how hard I've worked. And why I'm so distressed that it's surfaced again.

That might not be what you meant. In which case, excuse my emotional reaction.