Hi community,

I am a wreck..

I was laid off three times from a job and I keep going back.. My boss told me that he would like me to start showing up 30 minutes later in the morning. He gave three reasons why. In the moment I said that is okay. But it really triggered me as soon as I got into my car to drive home. I had panic and anger... It hurt a lot. I felt mislead, taken advantage of and undervalued as an employee...

Luckily I had a therapy session to go to right after; in the session I was angry and triggered. It helped a bit but I was so hurt. I am struggling to trust my therapist because I was hurt in therapy in the past...

At night I went home and called distress lines across the country, 29 times.... I was up all night in rumination, suicidal ideation and hyper-vigilance. It was horrible. I ranted about how dark humanity is and how I have lost all faith in humanity. I got into a space where I looked at the entire world as scary and dark and wanted nothing to do with it... I am SO triggered even right now.

My therapist told me to listen to my assertive voice inside rather than act passive and allow others to control me... Problem is my assertive voice tells me to quit this job but I have financial issues so I cannot. My boss knows this so he takes opportunities to take advantage of my dependency. It really hurts.

I took a risk and called my therapist to show vulnerability. I think it went okay. I am going to try my best not to flee for fear of being hurt again.

Any suggestions how I can re stabilize?!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz