I want to hurt myself not kill myself. Even with my family I rarely talk unless it's a yes or no question or I'm flipping out, I hate this. I rarely have enjoy life unless it was mania. I can't seem to find a balance. I'm not very angry at myself. For a short time I'll be like "man I did it again" but quickly it turns to "oh well". I know sounds horrible. I'm afraid this will last forever and my son will hate me because the only time I talk to him is when I'm screaming at him.