Hello EMc: Thanks for sharing your story. I see this is was your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. (I used to be here a lot... not so much anymore.) What I can tell you is that I'm going on 70 years old & have struggled with gender dysphoria all my life. As has been said many times... if you're trans... you're trans for life. It never goes away. I know exactly what you're going through. Unfortunately, I don't have any great answers for you. As I told one therapist I talked to, I knew what my options were. I just didn't like any of them. I hope you find the best answer (for you) to your dilemma.