So like the title says, I'm mostly recovered from OCD (obsessional type) but I'm having a really weird problem. First, I'm ashamed of the way I acted during my experience with OCD after looking back on it. Also, I noticed the other day that my younger sister has been showing some signs similar to the beginning stages of my OCD years ago, like worrying she's going crazy and spending a lot of time alone ruminating over things etc.
I have been TERRIFIED lately that she is going to get OCD, for a lot of reasons. First off, because OCD is the worst as you all probably know and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Second off, (and this DOES NOT apply to anyone else, just saying this from looking back on my own experience) because I had a lot of other issues in addition to OCD, such as low self-esteem, insecurities, attention-seeking, depression, dependence, social anxiety, the desire to "escape" real life, and I know my sister has a lot of those qualities too. I regret most of the way I handled my personal experience with OCD, because sometimes I was stupid and used it as an excuse or get attention and sometimes I "chose" OCD over recovery because I felt comfortable playing the victim and didn't realize how much control I actually had over my life at the time. I feel determined now from preventing my sister to get sucked into the unhealthy cycle of using mental illness as a escape from responsibility or as a way to continue feeling sorry for herself like I did. I know from growing up with her that she shows even more dependent behaviors and attention-seeking behaviors than I ever did, and my family has a history of BPD-like behaviors and I'm terrified if she got OCD she would handle it way worse than me because of that, and I want to prevent her from making the same mistakes in trying to deal with it that I did (Again, I am not implying that anyone else's OCD is related to these themes too, I obviously had a lot of other issues going on too).

I feel really bad now, because I feel like I am a terrible person for finally admitting to myself how many times I let myself get sucked into obsessions because I was avoiding real life. I am worried I am a terrible person for the way I handled my experience with OCD considering all my other issues. Also, I feel like a terrible person for assuming that my sister would be the same way if she had OCD, when maybe she would handle it differently or better than I did. Also, I feel terrible because I just realized awhile ago that part of the reason I want to help her not to have OCD is because I would be JEALOUS on some level if she also had it too. I know that sounds very odd, and I don't understand that feeling at all but I know it's there and it makes me feel like a horrible person. So basically, I just feel like I'm the triple whammy of horrible people and I don't understand why on earth I would be jealous of that, or why I can't stop feeling so ashamed for not always assuming full responsibility for myself and trying to get better when my OCD was at its worst.