I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I completely relate to having a lot of mixed manic episodes, and it's a horrible feeling!! How do you feel about going for therapy? Even if it's just for during this time, where you need a little extra support. So sorry that it's hard to talk to family. Psych central has definitely helped me in that way, as far as support. Listen to your inner voice/intuition when it comes to making a decision about what's best for you during this time. I often find that ignoring my own needs is what gets me in trouble. Anyway.....I hope you feel better!