The fallout from your mother's emotional abuse of you and lack of nurture is going to be devastating in so many ways including how you view others and their opinion of you. Physical pain when we inflict it on ourselves is a way to redirect the emotional is something that seems much more bearable. Self Harm releases endorphins into our bodies and help us to feel better. You are not alone in this at all.

Might be a good idea to honest with your T about your feeling ashamed. If you don't let her know then she won't be able to do her job properly. People, even therapists can't read minds and we can't read theirs either. They would rather know how you're are not managing at the moment. Even if it is a case of writing things down about how you feel. I find that helps me to let my t/p'doc know what is happening.

If I am am unsure of what is said when he is talking to me (Even if it means waiting until my next visit) then I will ask my T what he meant. Most of the time it is the opposite of what I have assumed. Please persist with your T for the moment. Persist in your search for finding your own voice and emotional wellness. Stuttering and self harm issues are outward signs of inward distress, anxiety and pain. I used to self harm and I sometimes stutter even now when my angst gets the better of me.

A sense of shame is more linked to how we perceive ourselves it's nothing to do with we have done or who we really are. Keep posting. You are worthwhile.