I've finally understood - really taken in the fact that - it wasn't (and isn't) my fault my dad doesn't love me. He's unable to love anyone.. I was never 'rotten to the core' like I've felt - there was nothing wrong with me!!! Not in this sense..

Realizing this makes me feel like I can live.. For as long as I thought there was something inherently bad in me, I just wanted to hide away because I feared I'd hurt others just by existing, and thought something as awful and disgusting as me didn't even deserve to live.. But that was never true.

Now I trust that I have a lot - or at least something - to give to this world - and I WANT to give it to the world!!! I don't need to hide away anymore..