I just flipped the **** out over the dumbest **** but I can’t calm down or stop sobbing. I’m pissed. I’m uncomfortable. I’ve never had issues with tantrums before.

I’m making scarfs for people because I like making others happy and it’s therapeutic for me. Well I ran out of black yarn. I go all the way in traffic just to get a damn $3 ball of black yarn. It’s the same brand and same exact bulk. But when I start working with it, I notice it’s rough to the touch. It’s way thicker than a bulk of 6. I messed the whole ****ing scarf up. I through it against the wall and started screaming into my pillow fallowed by angry tears. I want to hit something so hard right now. I’m so pissed!

Yes I’m aware this is such a petty stupid issue but I’m fuming. These things take me hours to make and now I messed it up. Now the person who it’s for will notice and think it’s ugly and not want to wear it.

Then during all this, I hear my cat coughing up a hair ball and food. That lit me right up. I started screaming bloody murder and got on the floor frantically trying to scrub the carpet.

I took 1mg Ativan and my anti manic AP and an old geodon to try and calm down. I’m still crying and cringing 20 min later. Is this OCD?? I’ve never had issues with OCD in my life. Am I becoming mixed? Or am I just one hell of an angry 30 year old child? [emoji22] this is going to be a looooong day.