Another one of those sessions I don't want to write about. It's nothing he's done wrong. It's just that we're dealing with feelings that fill me with shame and self-loathing. And I know I shouldn't feel that way about feelings. And I know that in itself is a paradox because I shouldn't feel that I shouldn't feel things. And I shouldn't feel that I shouldn't feel that I shouldn't feel things. And so on.
Horrible stuff and hard to go out into the world with this horrible shroud hanging over me. And knowing that he's not to blame. It's all me. It's easier when he f***s up.