I have written a lot recently about my ex. I have been struggling with the breakup for five years now, and he has came back into my life three times randomly, the last one being after three years of silence.

I have decided to take back control of my life, and blocked his ability to contact me. No, he definitely isn't banging my door down to talk to me (he is pretty much ghosting me), but I can't live always wondering if he will come back.

Many times with different therapists, and my new one most recently, I have heard them tell me that I have an "emptyness" inside of me, and that I use relationships to try and fill that hole that can truly only be filled by me.

I believe this is true. I believe outside of relationships, my life is incredibly boring. I don't really do much of anything that brings me excitement. So when someone like my ex comes by and chats with me constantly for days and is very charming, it is exciting and makes me feel good.

What I want to do is find excitement, but not through a relationship. I guess I just don't really know how. How do you find excitment in your life when you a terribly bored and unhappy with it?