When some one we love has the flu, or is recovering from a broken leg, we take care of them. No one accuses us of enabling someone to have the flu. Similarly, if someone is in a state of shock or grief, we allow space to heal and recover. Again, no accusations of enabling. On the other hand, as soon as any form of mental illness, or as i like to say, "otherness," is involved, and we give care and space, the accusations just fly. Such crap. It only reflects a deep ignorance on the part of the accusors.

As for the example you gave, buying cards and so on on the behalf of your partner, well, stop it. So what if no one gets a card? His family might get a better picture of how and who he is and isn't if expressions aren't made for him. You can just let those things be however they are and thereby demonstrate that there is no shame in it. So many of those perfunctory expectations are what drive us crazies nuts anyway. Let it fall, no harm no foul. Notice that to say that, I never had to even use the word, "enable?"

Tough love is just a euphamism for intolerance. Trust your heart, and don't expect any reinforcement for that from the psych world.

That would be my two cents worth.