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Hey everyone. I'm not sure which category on the forum to put this post under. I wonder if it matters. I am bipolar, and probably always have been. I take two medications to keep me sane, and I've been stable for the past five years straight.
Now, I am also a user of substances. I don't drink alcohol, but I love mushrooms, x, blow, weed, and well I think that's about it. I've always experimented with these drugs, and I have my own testing kits to make sure I'm being as safe as possible.
I don't know why I love to use. I don't do much more than dance a bit, read,
watch films, or do the dishes. Nothing as crazy or manic as I would expect,
but maybe I can thank my daily meds for that. Anyway, I am trying to get somewhere with all of this. I know it might sound silly, but I'm trying to reach some sense of happiness, peace, balance, and enlightenment all rolled into one. I'm doing this by experimenting with substances, and I wonder if I'm going to get where I want to go....i guess some sort of level of wisdom from and about use. I really hope this isn't viewed as abuse, because I only see an option to discuss drugs under the addiction forum. Maybe that's where everyone ends up after a while, but I see use as more cyclical than just a one way ticket to addiction.
Someone mentioned once to me that I was chasing a dragon, some kind of high that I could never reach. I'm not so sure that's the case. I laughed and agreed at the time, but really I want to know if I can learn more about life, about perception, about existence and human connection....that's far more interesting than just feeling a strong buzz for a few hours.
I hope I can continue safely on my journey and maybe I'll connect with other people who use without abuse...I wonder what will become of this exploration. I've traveled too much growing up and as an adult. I've moved and moved and moved, and I've adapted and learned quite a bit from the experience. I suppose this is just another form of travel, only this time I find it much less stressful and demanding.
I just hope I end up earning some wisdom along the way....
Thanks for reading.
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