hi all,
i'm susan (duh). i have been using this site a lot lately because i find it really helps to read other's posts and respond when you can really relate to what someone's written to offer support. i hate being alone...i actually get scared when i'm physically by myself and so i like to log on at work and when i'm home so that i can feel closer to people. Everyone sounds so nice on here and there's a lot of warmth and support.

i feel like it's really hard to fit in and am not quite sure how to befriend any of you on a more personal level. i try welcoming new members whenever i can and responding and doing what i can to "join in" but i still feel like an outsider looking in. i'm sure it probably takes a while to get to know people but this is one of those symptoms/triggers that i deal with on a regular basis anyway so it's especially hard - just feeling lonely, invisible, and not really there to people.

guess i just wanted to put that out there in the hopes that a few of you would say hi. my bf has been away for like a week, the anniversary of my father's passing is tomorrow and I'm in an ongoing struggle with severe anxiety and depression and depersonalization symptoms that strike up pretty often so i can feel very cut and isolated off at times.

it would just be really nice to know a couple of you better so that i can write during the day I actually have somebody to write to in these posts. Hopefully one day I can fit in to one of those groups that get and give all those ((((hugs )))))!!

thanks for listening.
-just me