indigo, I'm sorry you're struggling but please be patient, many of us in the U.S. are at work right now so it sometimes takes a bit for us to get to the forums.

I'm glad you're reaching out and I hope it helps to connect with people who don't drink. And it is possible to get sober on your own (no AA, no rehab) but it's harder. It would be better if you had the support of somone like your current husband. Someone in real life who's helping you.

Also, you may want to check out chat here. When the need to drink hits, you may find a few of us recovering folks hanging out there.

Good luck to you.

Cyran0