Its weird, isnt it? We're so driven to be with this person, and then when we are finally with them, we dissociate for the whole hour. I used to give my ts time for like 2 sentences. I told my t yesterday, i finally feel like im not being chased or badgered constantly anymore.

Eta - it makes me wonder, exactly who was showing up for sessions, and what relief did it provide? It really was the only time i got to be myself, i guess. My ts would say stuff like, "i hope you didnt say THAT to her!" Well of course not, but it showed i hated where i was; i wasnt a kind person.