Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
Its weird, isnt it? We're so driven to be with this person, and then when we are finally with them, we dissociate for the whole hour. I used to give my ts time for like 2 sentences. I told my t yesterday, i finally feel like im not being chased or badgered constantly anymore.
Eta - it makes me wonder, exactly who was showing up for sessions, and what relief did it provide? It really was the only time i got to be myself, i guess. My ts would say stuff like, "i hope you didnt say THAT to her!" Well of course not, but it showed i hated where i was; i wasnt a kind person.
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Yes, it's weird! Very weird for me because T and I suspect I have acted this way for most of my life. I have no way of knowing. I know I dissociated when I didn't talk to people. I was probably present as a child and teenager with some of my friends.
Like you, I never let my Ts talk! I think the part of me who needed to confide in one person who would be safe, is the part who showed up in sessions. Rambling on and on prevents dealing with connection and vulnerability. I think it's the flip side of selective mutism, but has the same cause, shyness and anxiety.