I am diagnosed with BPD and GAD. I hit myself with fists, open hands, I pull my hair and sometimes I scratch myself.. for the longest time I didn’t even consider my actions self harm until recently. I am an exotic dancer and I can’t have visible bruises and scratches visible all the time so I usually punch myself on my head where I have hair.. sometimes my face (open and closed fists).. I only recently started hitting myself in the last few months but I’ve always had a tendency to scratch my self or pull my hair.. I’m so embarrassed of my episodes and they don’t even make me feel better.. it makes me feel worse and then I continue to beat myself and it’s a vicious cycle. It takes a while for me to calm down and I feel it’s becoming much for my boyfriend. I scream and hysterically cry and sometimes it’s over absolutely nothing. I’m not on antidepressants and haven’t been in years because the last time I was taking them, my anxiety led me to a nervous breakdown. So now I self medicate with pot or Xanax occasionally not often.. the Xanax seems to help the most but I don’t condone taking something without a prescription.... my emotions and feelings just get so intense and overwhelming my chest feels crazy and endorphins feel whacked.. I just had an episode and that’s what brought me to this website.. wanting to talk to others experiencing the same. My boyfriend tries to be understanding and he is at times but sometimes he gets impatient with my and it makes my episodes worse. I think a lot of it stems from parental issues and problems I have with my parents but I just can’t seems to overcome these habits.. sorry if I posted in the wrong place but I’m new here..