Wow that sounds horrible. Fortunately, my experiences have never been that severe. She's gone off the reservation a couple of times, but I think she's got some inner voice that makes her play it safe when she gets going. She'll be really rebellious, but seems to want to check in and make sure I'm OK sometimes. She also sets things up where it's a little easier for me to tolerate. So for instance, this new episode involves her going out drinking fairly often. She makes it safe by playing wingman for our male gay friends, usually at gay-friendly venues. She'll get drunk, but not falling down, she'll stay away from the house, but does some things with the kids, and doesn't ignore the big things like birthdays etc.

So although she scares me by being erratic, she likes to push boundaries more than shattering them. I think under a lot of stress she could blow up those boundaries, but right now...she's staying on this side of them. It's a bit weird to describe, because it's not good by any stretch, but it's like she likes the trapeze, but wants the safety net deployed.