I’ve been in your situation before. I was told to leave with no explanation after 40 years of marriage. Thrown away, discarded. I , like you, begged, pleaded and cried. She was nothing but a self centered, selfish, narcissistic bastard. I felt like a 0. No self esteem, no dignity, nothing. I also obsessively wanted to hear the words you were looking for. My biggest mistake was never enforcing a strict no contact rule. You hit the nail on the head. If you ever want to move forward you have to think of this person as actually dead. You grieve and then nature forces you to move on !
Now just a couple of questions. You seem to give a lot of power to your T.
Do you think he’s God ? If he doesn’t agree with your idea that doesn’t make it wrong. Yes you can take his comments into account, but in the end I listen to my gut , the voice within. You say you only see him once every 2 weeks. What do you do in between that time ? Suffer ?
The way I learned how to get that negative loop of thoughts out of my head was practicing to be in the PRESENT. You can take control of your thoughts !!!
You tube or learn about “ mentalization “ . If you can learn how to be in the now
you won’t even think of the past. You can take control of your thoughts.
Don’t be like me, wallowing in self pity and sorrow. Feeling paralyzed.
Are you going to allow any one person to have that much control over you ?
Wishing you the best.