Yeah, I relate.......been thinking of selling off all my supplies for years but I get spurts where I can enjoy them a little bit. My husband begs me not to sell them off.....he knows what they mean to me but if I can't enjoy them I don't know. I started my first business from my hobby over 20 years ago. Didn't make a ton but enough to support the hobby which isn't cheap. The hobby has changed forms a few times in a slight way but has been consistent. Part of the love of my hobby is engaging with customers who enjoy my art. I lost my ability to engage with these people, I lost my drive, my passion, creativity. My hobby requires VERY FINE DETAILS and I shake and can't do the same quality of work as I did previous. It's heartbreaking and makes me so sad I cry when I try. I've shed so many tears over my hobbies. My depression and anxiety are holding me back and it's been so long. I hold onto a sliver of hope that my desire to live and create will come back to me. That my health will improve and nerves settle. I need glasses....I need a magnifying light.....maybe there is hope...,.. We shall see.

I got some yarn for a crochet project but can't seem to care enough to start it. I started it but felt sick and the interest faded. I used to care and love to create so much, now it's gone. Oh well, not everyone has hobbies or enjoys life. That seems to be the theme.....as long as I'm stable I just need to get over it I guess.

I will bring this up in therapy. It's pointless though.....I'm not stupid.....if there were a solution to this I'd have figured it out in all these years. People try to encourage me, they mean well. I'd give anything for my passion to return. Almost anything.....can't stop my meds as I will lose my family if I go crazy again. Meds might play a role.....some say they do play a role in creativity and others say that's silly. Regardless of the cause, I'm in the same boat.

Maybe I just need to learn something new. My whole life has been filled with me seeking out and learning new things. I'm proficient in many things but only good at a few. I just don't know.