PART 2

In Part 1, I talked about what I said to my h and my t at my session yesterday. In Part 2, I tell what my h said in the session.

My h said that he felt strongly that I should not quit therapy with my t. He said he had seen a lot of really good growth and changes in me over time. He said my self-esteem is better, I can speak up for myself now. He said that a few years ago, I would never have been able to have this conversation without breaking down in tears.

He also said that I should not quit right now because his mom just died, and we are both grieving a lot about it. She was the first person I've been close to who has ever died. When I was growing up, my parents never taught me anything about death and how to deal with it. (Everything was Candyland; bad things never happened.) As an adult, I have a strong faith based on my religious beliefs and believe I'll see her again one day. Still, it is a HUGE loss for me. It's a huge trigger. Rejection and loss have been a constant issue for me since I was born.

Another reason my h thinks I should stay in therapy with this t is that he believes she is an excellent t. She has known me for many years. It has taken me years and years just to work up the amount of trust I have now. He said it would be too hard for me to start all over with somebody else.

Also, he knows that even though I don't feel like I want to go to therapy anymore, I am very attached to my t. I've always dreaded termination down the road. So I would not be able to just up and quit, and be OK.

Also, my h pointed out that we don't have much of a support system from friends or family. Overall, he thinks that quitting now would be like biting the hand that is feeding me. My t cares about me. She wants to help me. If I up and quit now, he says I won't be OK. I need her support right now.