I have gotten a lot more help since I started opening up to my care team. They are not there to judge and they have heard plenty of stories like yours and likely helped the people who opened up and told them. I won't lie; getting past the ideas of shame and guilt was hard, but it was worth it. People will help you get better, but only if they know what they can help you with. I still have plenty of flaws but I am getting better. It was worth getting past my fears and opening up.