I really need all the help I can get right now. Even if it's just someone to chat with. My self esteem is at an all-time low.

I struggled with myself before I had a baby and now that I'm a new mom I'm having a hard time coping. I've posted some issues in a previous thread already, so to sum it up, things are very challenging right now. I don't even know if I have the right to feel half of what I feel.

I'm angry at myself. I feel filled with hatred, rather than love. I mean I feel love towards my newborn, yet I hate his father and I don't have the right to. I haven't given myself permission to feel anything, I'm just trying to move on. But how do you move on from something that owes you. Someone who owes you at least a phone call.

I feel betrayed. I feel deceived. Mostly, I feel abandoned.

As much as I try to push this aside to be a strong parent for my child, I'm having a hard time. I'm in this alone.

No support. No breaks. And my life is a disaster. I don't know how to demand the time I need to get things together so I can be that strong parent. I'm becoming short fused. Especially when I can't figure out why the hell my child is wailing.

Then I figure it out....ever so slowly. But not before Ive been upset, lost my cool, walked away from my child numerous times to regroup. I get upset when it's back to back crying and nothing changes, no matter what I do. At least that's what ive been feeling up until now. Only now I know what's been ailing my child.

How do you parents manage? How do you cope with stress of being a parent and raising children? How do raise your children to be and do the best?

My life is in shambles and I feel guilty for having this child. Not because I can't be a great mom or provide - but because I have so much to clean up it couldn't have come at a worse time. Again, feelings.

I don't know how to steal minutes without feeling guilty. I don't know how to be ok leaving him to cry for a few minutes knowing he's ok yet wailing. I'm brand new at this and I'm lollipop exhausted. My arm literally has started spasming because I can't put him down unless he's asleep. Ive tried to walk away to catch my breath (ive started having panic attacks) and his crying makes my insides rattle. I hate it I have to fix it. I have to comfort him and soothe him anyway I can. And when he smiles at me and giggles and babbles I lose myself in his wonderful little soul. It feels like ive known him forever.

Please respond. I'm desperately seeking ....all the comments I can get.