Peaches,

You are fine just the way you are...only a few behaviors to work on. As far as your T, you don't have to stay with one person who offers you a certain perception, level of awareness, etc.

You can leave if it's in your best interest. Sometimes, leaving a painful situation is for the best. We learn to accept the pain and grief that comes with loss and we begin to endure instead of building up a fortress. I was deeply attached to my T (not with her nearly as long as you with yours), but I can see the benefits of leaving now. It took some time and healing had to happen, but it is happening. It's there and I can feel that I'm on the brink of something wonderful. This being on the brink could not have happened had I stayed isolated in a painful, retraumatization that reenanctment was bringing up. There was victory in walking away from a situation that FELT much like yours- and I felt much like you do now- and I'm glad I did it.

You don't have to quit therapy altogether. You can go with someone new or take a break (although that would have felt like limbo for me and not worked). Go with what you feel is right...what your gut says. That may tell you to stay or go, but listen to it.

My heart goes out to you. I know how it feels to be so raw...so needing that attachment figure. It is very painful stuff.