YOU ARE WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!
You can do this step by dam step. Deep breaths & minute by minute.

It's ok to let a baby cry. It helps them to learn to self soothe & they really do need to learn this coping mechanism for the future.
I've also read that crying increases the gray matter of the brain, for higher thinking. Idk but I believed it.
You also deserve time to yourself! Nothing wrong with setting a timer & having the "hour of power" I called it. This was my self indulgent time to do anything I wanted & NO guilt. Sleep. Read. Veg. Whatever it was mine to squander.
Take it. Happy mom; happy baby.

I remember telling each of my kids the first time I held them, "I'm probably not going to do a lot of this mom stuff right, but I'll try what is MY best."
Yup we make mistakes that I do know about parenting. And I really learned to ask for help. It wasn't just for me now, but for the family. Ask for help.

It took a great deal of courage to write your post! I hope you truly see that. You're in for some rough roads & hopefully we can all support you. I will!
And yeah I feel like I suck as a parent!