Quote:
Originally Posted by Shazerac
Sorry you are hurting right now  Has your therapist given you any actual steps on how to love yourself. Those are kind of empty words if you don't know how. Perhaps you could switch it around and try to get to the bottom of why you hate yourself? |
Quote:
Originally Posted by adashofhope
I was actually going to suggest the same thing. 
My therapists have always gone about this in the same way, and it hasn't helped me much. They always ask me to come up with at least a few things that I like about myself. That has always been very hard for me to do, because I don't feel like I deserve to give myself credit or I honestly just feel unsure about what my strengths are. So, that hasn't been helpful and it has always been frustrating. I would always try but I honestly just felt pressured to come up with something to say even though I didn't fully believe it, otherwise I felt like I would annoy or frustrate them, and cause them to not like working with me.
I recently listened to this self-acceptance online event that I wish was still available to listen to for free, but anyway I heard some good information during it. One of the speakers spoke on developing self-compassion vs. self esteem. She talked about how self-esteem is measured based on accomplishments or other traits about ourselves that are valued within society, so, it can fluctuate.
I think that's the problem. Most of us are raised to seek approval from others, whether it be parents, teachers, friends, the opposite sex, bosses, etc. And then we judge ourselves based on what we are programmed to believe we are supposed to be. Instead of seeing ourselves as having inherent worth, regardless of what we are able to do, what we look like, what society views as valuable, etc. So essentially what I am saying is that I think we all need to somehow learn to see that we are worthy of love just for simply existing. Even though there are things we don't like about ourselves and sometimes we do things that hurt other people (because none of us is perfect), that doesn't make us less worthy of love and acceptance. |
That makes a lot of sense. I agree that it's very difficult to come up with reasons for why you like yourself. If I do come up with something, I feel very egotistical for saying such a thing about myself. It feels wrong.
In fact somehow I think overtime I learned to see people who love themselves as egotistical because I feel so far out of touch with the concept.
A friend of mine who is also diagnosed with BPD showed me a bunch of notes she'd written about herself. They said things such as "I'm pretty" "I'm lovable" "I'm capable."
I told her I felt really uncomfortable with the idea of writing such things about myself and she told me she felt like she was writing lies everytime, with the hope that she'd one day believe it.
Has anyone tried something like this and found it to work? I'm actually starting to sicken myself with how much I hate myself because it greatly interferes with my life and I've been put in some very dangerous states of mind recently.
Just hoping this can somehow change. I don't make much money from my job because I work part-time and can't afford to see my therapist much anymore..