Hi everyone, I hope you are all managing ok today. In the past I have had full blown PTSD but recovered after a lot of therapy. Now after three 2 month episodes in less than a year I feel traumatised. I am having flashbacks of my times when very suicidal and memories of my episodes flowing through my mind all day. This leaves me anxious and exhausted. My fight/flight response is kicking in, as is my 'need' to escape through marijuana and alcohol.

I am not depressed anymore, thankfully, but the flashbacks get me down. I am terrified I will die by suicide as my resilience is low and I don't think I can take another severe episode. Some have been manic, some depressed, and some mixed. I have spent about five months IP. I am over it and just want to be stable for many months, even a year if I can manage it.

Now the PTSD-like symptoms have returned I am overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. The last few days I failed miserably in self-care but I am panning to turn that around. I even went for a long walk along the beach today, played guitar and worked. I am functioning ok but find the world a scary place, especially the world inside my mind. I fear another episode. Currently my five meds seem to be helping in there own ways so I don't need a med tweek. This is psychological. Next Tuesday I am seeing my T and we will talk at length about this.

I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced PTSD or been traumatised by severe episodes.