It is not fair to blame you. It sounds like he is lashing out at you in frustration.

Hoping I know you have tried hard to meet your H half way but it's impossible when he is insisting your son join the militiary when it seems your son has no inclination to - there is no half way to meet. It sounds like he is issuing ultimatums.

Does your H listen to your son? I mean truly listen to what your son is thinking and feeling.