Thanks Heidu and Serenity, I know I should...*she stops writing to try to figure out how she feels about this subject*...when I am with him and think that I will tell him I get panicky. I have nothing that I can defend myself with. I know I shouldn't be doing this, I know that there are better ways but I did this anyway. I am not embaraced nor do I feel as if I have failed because I know that I am in the middle of a process and I have made great strides in getting a handle on it. So to slip is not a failure just another step in the process. It is just that I want to protect him and I want to protect me. I have come to realize this week that no one can be the there for everything 100 percent of the time. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses. I am learning that I don't need to expect any one person to be everything. My hubby is good at helping me with dealing with my anger and has proven to be exceptionally good at helping me see when I have taken on someone else's mood/personality but he is not good with my depression nor is he good at dealing with SI. And that is ok, but if I expect him to support me he is going to fail because he is not equipped to do it. Then he feels bad and I feel worse. So I come here and talk to my T...though I haven't talked to him about this time either. So I think Heidu has the ticket. I will tell him, but make it clear that I don't need anything from him to help me with this. That I have set up a support system of people more able to understand then he is. I will find a nicer way to say it so that his feelings are not hurt.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson