Hi Susan,
It is really hard to come to terms with never being able to have established a loving and close relationship with our fathers.
I'm so sorry for your loss. How long has your father been dead?
Immediately after my brother unexpectedly died almost 34 years ago this month, I wanted to preserve my memories of him, but it was very hard since they caused me so much pain at that time.
Please feel free to PM me.
EJ