In response to your bleak outlook, it is very understandable as you enter into an unknown area that gets such bad press. However, Amyl and Petunia point out that ADHD, even ADHD/ODD, in my opinion , isn't a death sentence. In fact controlling the disorder during a child's developmental years and focusing as much as possible at getting the child educated will determine what his adult life will be like. Harnessing and directing all that energy in correct directions, being oblivous to the comments and opinions of others and understanding that as difficult as it might be at times as a young adult you will have contributed a young man to our society with many of the attributes in Petunia's list being what he is most known for. Moments of dispair, disappointments, frustration and anger will pass and tomorow truly is another day. Just finish the one in progress, always moving the ball back in to the direction you want it to go. You have to learn as much from the professional community and legitimate sources of written materials as is possible. At any time that you may feel exhausted and defeated you are vulnerable to the alternative treatment scammers and other predators lying in wait with promises of solutions the easy way; take this, use this, all natural, miracle breakthrough. The fact is that a stimulant medication to knock down the intensity of the behavioral symptoms is necessary so that the child is receptive to being taught appropriate social behavior using behavioral interventions that employ experiential learning strategies. Typical parenting practices don't get the job done. Rational discussions and reasoning are a waste of your breath and invite discussion which becomes arguing. That you probably have already experienced. You only need to say things once. "Why should I put my toys away."
"Because you want to play with them again." If he puts them away he can play with them again. If you put them away he can play with them when you feel like giving him access to them. He is totally dependent on you for everything he has and most of what he does. You have to demonstrate your power and control, which an adult has and should exercise when it is in the best interest of teaching their children to behave in a civilized manner. If you are a wimp you r child will walk all over you and your home will be an environment full of chaos, anger and hostility. On the other hand by providing good management of the home environment you accomplish two things. You acquire time to be together with your child when you can tell him how much you love him and how proud of him that you are. You also use the home as a place where he learns the realionship between his behavior as acceptable and all the good things that it makes accessible to him, versus behavior that is not appropriate and how that results in deprivation of those things. Children do not tolerate deprivation of fun things well and if you are firm in following through with rules and consequences when they are not followed he will soon capitulate in favor of doing it your way. The way the responsible adult parent says it should be done. It's not hard to hook up your program with school. Certain items the child wants are contingent on the absence of a bad report from the teacher. This empowers the teacher to screw his life up good at home if he chooses to have a good time at her expense with disruptive or other undesirable behavior in school. Never fight with school people unless they want to do something out of line to your child. Their complaints and descriptions of his behavior will generally be true although he may deny this all the way home in order to avoid entering a house where the usual array of electronic toys is unavailable to him for the afternoons entertainment. He'll have to make do with Legos and a coloring book because you have cut the power to the outlet where all those mesmerizing appliances receive life at the breaker switch or fuse box (unknown to him). So when he turns one on, as he will when you are not present he will be disappointed and may mistakenly report it to you as broken. When asked how he aquired this knowledge he will commence to concoct a very reasonable, in his eyes, explanation. Just ignore it. Don't respond with a rewarding exchange on the issue that is stimulating and enjoyable for him, as this will result in more of the same for years to come. All you have to do is participate and he wins as he demonstrates how easily he controls your behavior. If you show an interest in those types of conversations he is going to drive you crazy in a very short time, as you probably already know (again) with manipulative verbal behavior that compares to that of a good trial lawyer. Remember this one thing. You have been blessed with a wonderful, powerful NASCAR machine and all you need to do is learn how to drive it. A behavior therapist with a background in Applied Behavior Analysis is a must if you can locate one and the treating physician should be a psychiatrist with trianing and experience with children's ADHD. Good luck again. The country is experiencing a shortage of psychiatrists of any type. Pediatricians seem to think they can make a diagnosis of ADHD, then presriibe and manage the adminstration of a stimulant medication. Most of the horror stories about stimulant meds that make them controversial when they shouldn't be are a result of the fact that they actually can't. You can read about the messed up experiences with meds that parents have on these and other message boards. They refer to, "the doctor" not, " the psychiatrist," because it's usually the pediatrician doing the case. Determination will win the day so keep looking until you find appropriate clinical help. You have about 15 years ahead of you and you want the best team you can possibly assemble. They will be with you a long time and real assets for you so don't go messing with them. They are your best pals. With one exception. If your behavior therapist suggests the use of time outs as a response to rule breaking your child's symptoms are either mild or the therapist lacks talent for his profession. Time outs are dangerous. The purpose is to control and punish. They teach the child nothing and the kids get used to them quickly. The danger is what do you do when the child resists going? and when he resists you physically? being put into time out, which is what your therapist will instruct you to do next. You create a child that is comfortable with physical confrontations with parents and will probably initiate physical aggression in situations unrelated to time out in the future. Not to worry though, this same therapist will instruct you on how to physically restrain your child because he will say , "You have to show him that you are in charge, not the child." If you have to restrain your child think about it, who's in charge.?Who is controlling who? The child knows what to expect when he provokes you a certain way. Wrestling time. It is probably more fun than what he originally asked for and was denied. And after all by simply uttering the magic words, "I'm calm now ," you will be more than happy to release him as you don't think that it is as much fun as he does. Pay no attention to all his hollering. It's done for affect. Makes it a more stimulating experience. It's not an uncontrollable rage. When it begins offer him a piece of chocolate cake with gobs of frosting on it and see how soon the rage repairs itself. He may shed tears due to disappointment and sympathy seeking but the noise is all about adding histrionics for a better effect.
Rebounder