(((((freewill)))))

My heart goes out to you. I understand that unbearable pain, a pain that I want no one to know of. I hide that pain from everyone, so no one knows. Somehow no one can know--no one. Hiding it from even the people you really want to trust but somehow it seems dangerous--but you do not want them to know, so you once again mask up while underneath is caous.

Inside the others rip and scream but no one knows. That revolving door you speak of I feel everyday. The coming and going of the others and the fear that no one really cares or wants to hear about what I feel or am going through. That somehow, I am suppose to get better, putting a pressure upon myself as something I have always known and therefore falsely placing those same feelings on others.

Confusing, mind racing--will not slow down. Too many vying for time, to be heard, and not understanding that they will get their time. I know the horror--the memories--the blank time--and the pain. The sharp ever-lasting pain.

I know your exhaustion and how holding up gets so heavy. And sometimes I ask the same question of is it worth it?. Freewill, hold on to my hand that is reaching out to you-----------------and together we will reach forward. It is worth it because we cannot let them win. The longer we hold on and the more progress we make, the more we take back ourselves.

It will not be easy, and at times it will seem as though we are sinking in quicksand--but we are alive. We do make it--it is just hard to walk back to release the pain. To bring the frames back together where it got so bad we had to stop the breath to live.

Please know I am here and I am listening and understand. Feel free to pm me. I love you my friend.

cami