The memories seem to be handled easier after working on fear, and shame.
I'm feeling whole and human, and I don't want to feel the opposite of that ever again.
My parents still have some hold on me. Can't do a clean break because they're engrained. Lately I see my mothers face in my reflection. It bothers me. I dreamt last night that we were both in the bank. I recognized her voice, though it was scratchy. I looked towards the voice, and saw her, but she had a scarf over her head and face.
Even if I don't see her, I hear her voice when I speak. My hands are looking more and more like her hands. When I think of her hands, my vision travels up her arms towards the thoughts and feelings of a hug; yet I will likely never hug my mom again.
I'm thinking a lot of my bonding with my parents was trauma bonding, though I haven't researched into that, just read a blurb.
Memories have been opening up to me, but in an innocent and curious way. My avoidance was so strong, with all the traps and triggers to dismantle, so small step by step I've been getting somewhere.